A silent parting
After all these years, I might finally have moved on. For years you haunted my subconscious, visited me in random dreams. Mostly the same ones, memories warped in a dream-like setting.
Those intense dreams became false memories, moments that never happened for real. But in my head they are still real.
I’m happy with them, they make me feel nice. I remember good times together, romantic ones. Times I long for deep inside.
When discovering the small web, I wanted to build something for you. To symbolise the torch I was holding for you. A lighthouse of some kind, a sense of direction for you to follow and come home, by my side. The ball would be in your court. If fate decides we should be reunited, I believe it will make you revisit your past and hear this siren sing for you.
I’ve been putting it off, to build. My fear of it not being perfect, the way I have in my head. Worthy of what I felt for you. I believe I will succeed, but the fear is holding me back to even start. Maybe I’m just afraid of putting it out there and you eventually finding your way back to me. Throwing my life upside down at any given moment. I did end up putting a small memento online for us, but I know it’s not enough.. and it’s okay.
But eventually I realised this too, you went away. You didn’t come back to visit in my dreams. Those memories are not the ones floating around on the surface anymore. Did I finally manage to let you go? And if so, how? By going this deep, to imagine the lighthouse I was about to build? It just happened, I keep wondering why though. All these years I wasn’t able, even though I kind of wanted. Or maybe I didn’t really want.. and now I do? But why?