Chasing the past
The past months, I slowed down a little in daily life which opened up space to reminisce a little. It’s also partly due trying to write more I think.
It started slowly with seeking some emotional comfort in movies or TV shows. For years, I’ve been strict into “I saw this already, I remember. Don’t need to waste time on rewatching or something. By chance we started to see a show I already saw before, but my wife didn’t yet. So I thought why not. I think it was The OC first, which brought back great memories already.
At some point I came across Ragnarok Online, saw it was playable on my Steam Deck. I spent months if not years playing that, official global and after slowly moving into the private server scene. It even brought me back fond memories of tinkering with server software which exposed me a little to programming. And the main maintainers of the particular private server software I grew close to. Unfortunately lost contact long ago, plus things would never be the same anyway. But I got it running, fully offline and local. Logged in, and was all by myself. The controls weren’t great, mostly trackpad based. After struggling a bit, I gave up. I just idled a bit in areas where I spent a lot of time, listening to the background music. Hearing the familiar sounds of monsters in between, which was nice for a bit. But it wasn’t what I needed.
Fast forward a few months, I came across a promo video of Guild Wars Reforged. I kinda knew it of it’s existence but I don’t do phone games.. but there it was. 2-3 seconds showing off the game could be played on a Steam Deck. I rushed into getting back into my account and have it up and running. Shortly after I was greeted by my 8-10 year old character with plenty of anniversary gifts. The game has actual gamepad support so playing it felt really smooth and got hooked in a heartbeat.
I played for a few weeks, fresh character. Learning the ropes again, I think I might pick it up again soon as well. But as I slowly progressed through it, I felt my completionist tendencies slowly growing. I already know that would require months, and grinding a lot. Not something I have room for in my life, but I’m trying to keep it as enjoyment and a little time capsule. Even though, also here, I lost all the contacts I had earlier.
I started re-watching more tv shows, and some of time brought me immediate comfort. But one in particular surprised me the most, The Expanse. When the intro song came up, a cozy feeling washed over me. As if someone threw a warm blanket over me, embracing me. I started binge watching a bit, trying to pace myself but it’s really just that good. Until season 4 came.. I lost interest, the feeling. Not sure why, but read online it’s common.. Thankfully season 5 brought it back, and I kept watching until I just had two episodes left until the end. I caught myself postponing, I didn’t want this to end. I don’t want to say goodbye once more to them.
But I started last night, watched the penultimate episode and just have the last one left. I’ll save it for a special night, right before bed. To savor it to the fullest. So yes, I’ll keep revisiting old shows now. It’s the best remedy for a little nostalgitis.